Things I Do While Waiting On My Seamless Delivery to Arrive

  • Practice pirouettes in the living room in my socks, especially on the left, because my left pirouettes are atrocious.
  • Pour myself a glass of wine, which I drink in between pirouettes.
  •  Take a shower, frantically sticking my head out from behind the curtain every two minutes to listen for the buzzer.
  • Eat a handful of Reese’s Pieces.
  • Become wayyyyyy too involved in 5-10 minutes of a Say Yes to the Dress marathon.
  •  Immediately pin 5 different wedding dresses to my secret wedding board on Pinterest (which I will forever deny having if you ever ask me because how dare you suggest I am THAT Girl™).
  • Obsessively look out the window for the delivery man during a commercial break.
  • Swiffer living room and kitchen floors.
  • Track my order on Seamless. – “Still cooking.” Damn.
  • Pour another glass of wine.
  • Eat a handful of kettle cooked potato chips.
  • Flip to one of the fifty bajillion showings of Shawshank Redemption and ask why Morgan Freeman doesn’t also have fifty bajillion Oscars instead of just one.
  • Obsessively look out the window again like a nervous heroine in a late 70s/early 80s horror movie.

    kinogo.net

    Looking out windows for Seamless and Michael Myers since 1978

  • Attempt another left en dehor pirouette.  Not on fleek.
  • Hate myself for five seconds for using the term “on fleek.”
  •  Eat a spoonful of 1% cottage cheese.
  • Switch over to Harry Potter & the Goblet of Fire just as Movie Dumbledore slams Harry against a wall like a WWE wrestler and yells in his face, “HARRYDIDYAPUTYOURNAMEINTOTHEGOBLETOFFIRRRRE?!?!?!”
  • “He asked CALMLY,” I say pointedly to the TV, rolling my eyes.

    dumbledore

    Did no one read the book before shooting that scene?  Accio done with your nonsense, Steve Kloves.

  • Track my order on Seamless. – “Out for delivery.” YAAAAS QUEEN!
  • Favorite and retweet @lin_manuel about 6 times
  • Donate $16 to Hillary’s campaign
  • Obsessively look out the window again.  Is that a clown?
  • Do a Duolingo French lesson on food.  J’ai faim.  Je voudrais un sandwich.
  • “Like” two different girlfriends’ engagement announcements on Facebook. Ugh. Je voudrais un boyfriend.

    slide_8

    Literally the only French you need. Stop being greedy, Francois! Crossing YOU off le boyfriend list, merci beaucoup.

  • Laugh at Snapchat video sent by my friend Kevin
  • Attempt a Snapchat recorded pirouette video to send back to Kevin.  #fail
  • Eat another handful of Reese’s Pieces.
  • Make mental note to rewatch E.T. the Extraterrestrial soon.
  • Make another mental note to phone home.
  • Instagram my third glass of wine with the Valencia filter and a caption pretentiously quoting a Transcendentalist author. #basic
  • Get nervous/excited when the buzzer rings like I’m going on a first date…except if I were, I wouldn’t have ordered Seamless
  • Mentally play the Super Mario End of Level Theme Music in my head as I receive my bag of food from the delivery guy.